Sometimes life sneaks up on you and really bites you in the butt (insert any word you want there; I chose a relatively non offensive word since this is for the masses). Let me rephrase that statement, sometimes our neglect of life and loved ones sneaks up on us and RIPS YOUR HEART OUT!
One day you wake up and realize that who you have been and what you have done has devastated the people you care about most. What do you do with that. Well...i’ll tell you what I’ve done. I’ve put myself at the mercy of God’s discipline and correction. I’m allowing God to search me and reveal all the nasty things that are within my heart that I’ve pushed under the rug of “I look like a good person, therefore I am”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been some horrible Jeckle and Hyde character...though I guess in some ways I have. It’s not like I’ve been intentionally lying about who I am or what I do, I’ve just had some deep seated emotional barriers that have prevented me to getting to the core of what it means to be in Love with God and others...Love it self.
For far too long, I’ve not allowed myself to be loved or love those that are closest to me and that has wrecked or at least crippled most of the relationships in my life. This is way more personal than I ever planned to get on this blog, but I feel that people need to hear this cause I think so many people struggle with this incredibly debilitating flaw.
Back to the letting God search me. It’s so funny how we sugar coat things with God and even to ourselves. We tell God and ourself that we don’t have a problem with this or that and that everything’ okay and normal...WHO ARE WE TRYING TO FOOL!!! That kind of mentality only prolongs the suffering of others and the lack of joy in our own lives, not to mention possible losing the things and people who are the most dear to you. Through this searching and growing with God I’ve been stretched in ways I never knew possible in my faith and hope. Growing is SO hard and SO painful. But if it weren’t...would we really be growing?
Nothing teaches you like life experience...it seems to make the scripture really come to life. If I didn’t understand before “How long till you hear my cry oh Lord and come to my rescue”, I do now!
I’ve realized that loving someone means putting your heart, soul, emotions, and all your insecurities out on the line with the possibility of being destroyed. You have to become vulnerable to truly love someone or be loved by someone. You would think that loving and being loved especially would come easy and I guess it does when we get rid of all the crap that hinders it like pride, SELFISHNESS (one of my personal favorites), fear of being hurt (which also comes under selfishness), past experiences that we had no control over, and so much more. But, we have to make a conscious effort to make these changes in our lives...or should I say a conscious effort to allow God to change these things in our lives. It is truly a “die daily” kind of thing. It’s not something you deal with once and say, “HEY! I’m all better now!” it’s a life long examination of the heart, but the first steps are definitely the most painful...realizing your condition. Only God can show you these things and only He can begin to heal and mold your heart into the “heart of God” that he wants you to have. Our job is to allow Him and then be obedient in whatever he asks of us....and that’s never as easy as it sounds. Let go and let God is a phrase that is thrown around so easily, but for anyone how has ever HAD to really do that knows that it is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but it is crucial to our growth as human beings and as children of the living and loving God.
1 Cor 13: 4-8, 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...
...And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the GREATEST of these is LOVE!
Do yourself a favor, don’t wait till it’s too late...LOVE like there’s NO tomorrow!
Placing it all in His hands,
Shane
